Fire Works

It's a little ironic that sometimes all it takes is to make a big decision and to announce it for the big fire works to explode in your hands.

How ridiculous is it that some people's ecstasy is ruining any kind of big, happy moment for anyone. I've always found it odd, but perhaps understandable, for some...I guess such things will never change. It's not dependent on your origin of country, religion, political choice, sexual orientation, sexual identity, gender, socio-economic background. It's purely dependent on what kind of a person you choose to be. They're everywhere.

But, I understand. Sometimes, in the void that we are in, where everything feels like it's being torn from our hands, everything we've slowly cultivated over the past five years, regardless of the pressures we've put in, the position of power we've had to sway our victims...did we just work this hard, for this long, for someone else to come in and take the position we desired to be in? We worked tooth and nail to be in? And even when the person usually isn't manipulative, depressed and desperate, I still understand.

Because sometimes, you're so bitter, life has been so unfair that you just can't control your reaction in that split second which as the words roll out of your mouth, it's like you're watching yourself on a movie screen and regretting every syllable that makes out of your mouth. It happens, after all, isn't someone's happiness in fact, the cause of someone else's misery?

Secrets

S and I have decided to keep certain things a secret for the sake of smoother transitions, stop spread of rumors, gossips and too much interest into our private lives. I've never been immune to gossip, certainly, but I never have been able to understand the reasoning beyond probing questions some people like to ask, much to my chagrin and much to their pleasure. Personal life, matters, inquiries, should stay personal. It's been one point of principality I've always been proud of. It feels a hindrance to someone's personal freedom to ask so much about their life. I certainly don't like it when others ask me such questions. I never feel compelled to answer, neither do I feel bad (on rare cases I have had felt bad, though not often and not anytime as of late) but I never can relate to others gossiping about the fact that I don't like to gossip. It feels like a maze no one can get out of, and quite frankly, a waste of time, energy, brain cells and effort. Perhaps, I am too lazy to follow all social protocol, and a bit too lazy to engage in said protocols. Though, I always rather try to understand and would like to understand, somethings feel so bizarre to me, I am not sure whether I'll ever be able to create a link between the two of us and begin to establish a mutual foundation to stand on, in order to create understanding.

Sometimes, it's just better to keep secrets from everyone else.