...

and sometimes you start the day at the wrong foot but its okay we all have those days, things eventually work themselves out.

But it keeps you guessing what makes these subtle and little changes as time passes away, the moon rises and sets as we sleep away, and the new day begins, we awake with new feelings.

:D

and this is another lesson to keep your mouth shut :D because it only takes a second to shatter the pieces but takes a long time to put them together.

But I am glad today was lived...and another to prove me how my gut feeling is right.

Dort Dortluk

So, bazen hersey dort dortluk olmuyor ama galiba bu hayatin kendi dogasinda olan birsey. Herseyi her zaman ayni anda cok muthis bir sekilde goturebilmek hem insanlar icin yorucu birsey olsa gerek, hemde kotu gunleri hatirlatmak icin ve elindekilerin anlamini anlayip degerini bilebilmek icin bazi seylerinde zor olup, seni zorlamasi gerek galiba.

Yoruyor hayat bizi..hepimizi. Afganistandaki kucuk, tek basina olan kizdan, Asyada pirinc tarlarinda calisip acligini anca dindirebilen aileler, ve dahada gelismis olan ama dunyadan kopuk bir sekilde yasiyan insanlara kadar, herkesin birer yuku var hepimizi yoran zamanlar, saatler olu veriyor. Hamurumuzu yoguyor ayni andada.

Ama, bugun bana Allah'tan bir hediyeydi...acikca, o kadar barizdiki. Dusunupte mutlu olmamak, vede icinin kipir kipir olmamasi imkansiz. Sukretmemekte imkansiz.

Bazen kucuk seyler, mesela sevdigin insan icin yemek yapip, karsilikli oturup yemek, arkasindan bir iki birseyler izlemek, dunyadaki en has, en guzel, ve en saf mutluluk olup, icini isitabiliyor, her ne kadar hayatindaki diger seyler karanligin ortasinda ve seni zivanadan cikariyor bile olsa.

:D

and life can have rather amazing and horrible results at the same time. It's difficult to keep multi tasking for a long time in real life, not like kitchen and home work ... unfortunately. As good things pile up, so do the bad things, and I guess it's a part of life..a learning experience
but most of all what I fear the most is the currency of life...how quickly it passes by

Buyuk bir Okyanus

Hayat akisi belli olmayan koca bir okyanus gibi. Nerden geldigi, nereye gitti belli olmayan. Sabahin ilk isiklariyla beraber uslanan okyanus, gunun ortasinda feci bir firtinayla yureklere korkulari yerlestirirken, geci cikartabilme endishesi yavasca sokulur gonullere.

Ama o sure icinde ne zaman ne olacagi belli olmayan ve tekrar uzun, soguk, yagisli ve firtinali, korku, stress ve yanlizlikla dolmus bir gecenin sonunda gunes tekrar dogar, tekrar sular durulur vede insanin icindeki iyilik perisi ortaya cikabilir.

I struggle...and yet it's sometimes fruitless and futile. I wonder where this will end.
I hope it won't end up hurting me. This is one dream I wish that won't end.

Insomniac

I can't sleep once again. What a surprise? I really thing I've become an insomniac.All these things going through my head, and the wounds in my heart makes it near impossible to catch a good night's sleep. My chest is heavy, and it's an incredibly difficult task to be able to breathe. Harder than you think, at times like these. Nights are hard, days are harder. Just as I believed things were smoothing out, everything became unstable at once. I pass out towards dawn, then of course i wake up a few hours later. Throws me off.

Honestly, I loved how our relationship had become. Why did it crumble like this in a mili second, over nothing? My heart is wavering and it's shivering. I am so afraid that everything will be shattered. I want to protect and progress it continuously. Without an end. I want that heart of yours to warm my fragile and wounded soul once more. I want you to become close to me once again. I miss you. I really do. Right now, I need to see you, I need to hear your voice to calm down, to become myself again. For everything to be alright again. Please, don't let me slip by your fingers. Don't let your relationship have a bitter after taste. That's not how I want things. I want you to hold on to me, cling on to me with everything your whole being has got. You've become such a precious person to me. But you won't do that. Our relationship is one sided and I am an idiot for thinking things can be different. You just like to stand there, watch and judge people. No one is ever good enough and you're the mighty that walks on earth.
Please....I don't know how to fix things, but please let's do it. Why do I even bother? I keep asking myself the same question and I come blank...I love. I do love,but why? For whom? Appreciation matters to me, but forget appreciation, you won't even see me because you're so into yourself. It's always about you, it can never be about someone else.
I've come to realize I passionately, deeply, genuinely love you. Love you more than anyone else. Your whole being has changed a few strings within me, and I am okay with that. I want to be by your side.
I need to see you. I can't wait till tomorrow. Please, let us return the hands of time backwards, to those of the most satisfying, fulfilled, promising and eternally happy days without shadows. But regardless of how I feel and what I want, that doesn't matter because we'll never be okay. Because we've turned the sand glass and the little sand has begun to slip down. We're marching to our end, because I am broken inside and when I am wounded, nothing can console me--not that you're even acknowledging I could be hurt or even giving a second of worry or even an ounce of effort. I don't think I've felt this stupid ever before.