Promises and Reward

And because everyday is an uphill battle, daily, I make promises to myself. If I get through this, if I get through the day without breaking down, if I get through the week, accomplishing what I must, then I will reward myself to, cup of coffee, an expensive latte, or one small item of clothing of 5 dollars. Let's be realistic, that is the maximum of what I can afford. I haven't been able to buy facial moisturizers due to the fact that we just don't have enough money. The delicate balance with extras just cannot be maintained.

I find it sometimes gets a bit easier to manage through the day if I have something to look forward to, even if it is a guilty pleasure. Beggars can't be choosers. So I move on, marching slowly, hoping for the day that the sunlight at the end of the tunnel is brighter, warm and inspiring enough to compel me to motion.

Private Self vs. Public Self

As a writer, I constantly struggle with the private and the public self. Sometimes I forget which influences which, and cannot seem to make a clear distinction between the two. They blend and mesh so well, although entirely different from one another, they're wholly part of me, entirely--becoming maddening, confusing personas and sometimes resulting in huge blunders (though rarely). In essential, it is confusing to realize which is the body and which is the shadow.

However, I would argue that this is really true for many. We all have personality traits that are quirky and tends to be audience specific. The way we are at home, how we voice our thoughts, emotions, opinions to our self, to our significant others, immediate family, close friends and to acquaintances, our co-workers, school environment and eventually to society at large.

Do you sometimes confuse which identity takes over and later perhaps switch for a long time that feels foreign and awkward to you?