Not sure, not sure at all.

Anlamazsin, anliyamazsin.

Random tiresome ramblings

Lonesomeness can do much to the human psyche.
It can be good and it can be bad, detrimental depending on the person.
It is however good in small increments as it allows one to really think and value and assess one self.

Being around and dependent on others, crowding the mind and physical space can do much to tire the mind and the soul, not to mention physically as well.

I was never able to understand the attachment one feels strongly to be around others, always and always with someone, taking care of them, spending time, and amidst the large number of people, losing one's self, becoming hazy, and vanishing into thin air, by physically there. It seemed too dangerous and rather self scrutinizing to me.

One should cherish and and look forward to such times to gather, to spread and to really come to ones self. Analyzing thoughts and actions, going over much needed solitude to rest and plan.
Just to be one's self...really not much other than that at the very least.
Much to plan and think over, much to hope for and to get out of our chests sometimes which is best when alone between the four walls of our own self imposed prisons, in which we look forward to the safety and security of our homes. To place, to unwind and float down the soul.
Required.

kirildi gene.
kirik.

cam kirklariyla beraber
gene savruldu.

In the youth's passion, the diligence of the old age, when combines makes for a mighty person.
Only, when utilized though.
Through all these years, and the revelations life makes upon each individual is different, colored in different shades, hues and comes through different packages to suit and altered the individual choices made past through present.

When a heart is broken, it is hard to mend it. Such words can leave a big imprint on the heart and make the mind lose control.
Such words might come out of the mouth so effortlessly, without maybe much of a connotation, or thought, but it is nonetheless detrimental to the hearer's heart.
And nothing can be like before, after hearing such words.
It sears ones heart.

Midnight vehemence

What is this feeling in my chest, that disables me to sleep at night? I am shaky, jittery and paranoid. Its this heaviness on my heart that I can't handle always a doubt, always a question in the back of my mind. Rest, trust and certainty all have left me. This pain never ceases always lurks away from a corner at my most susceptible moment. maybe its time to say farewells

So vivid and so malicious.
How could one might be so?
Time passes by and life goes by.
We're left to wonder through
trying to connect the dots of our lives
through what we remember
through what has left an imprint.
An imprint of a mere mili-second, nothing more and nothing less.
Yet it is all that remains of us,
of our lives
of our accomplishments
and then we disappear with the dust
back to ashes
to where we came from.

Then, there are those that we forget
that life challenges
and rips away from our memories
searing it with pain and agony
searing it with bitter sweet aftertaste
just so it can entangle us more
suffocate us.

Just so.

How can it be so?

Goz yaslari kuru degil ki.
Nedense aki veriyorlar boyle en umulmadik zamanda, tamda mutlu oldum, rahat rahat yasayim derken, o anin tadini cikarmaya calisirken, kendini gene boslugun icinde bulu veriyorsun, gene bin bir tane soru, gene bilinmeyenler, ve karanligin feleginde buluyorsun kendini.
Hayat bu, hic belli olur mu? Oluyormu?
Imreniyorum belkide bir anda, bazi insanlara..evet evet bunu iyi anladim son zamanlarda.
Herseyleri hayatta istediklerine gore, planladiklari gibi gidiyor. Elbette zorluklarla, ama istedikleri gibi oluyor genede. Plan yapip o planlari gerceklestirebiliyorlar.
Bense, sanki evren herseyi durdurmak icin butun guclerini onume koyuyor. Durdurulmasi gereken bir azinliymisim gibi.

Hayat bu, belimi olur? Belkide donu verir sans?

and sometimes there are such magical nights with loads of fun and laughs shared by intimate gestures make everything seem worth it, and unrealistically good. And for the sake of those moments, we live through our misery drenched days, hoping to the glistening hope in sun's rays and the Full Moon's glory.

Such breath taking seconds that it is.
I am hopeful towards all.

Paychecks could be so nice.

Heyt len, teker teker gelin hepsi birden ustume ustume cullaniyorlar.

Second day of the new year.
Funny how time just flies by and before you know it, you end up at the end of time table, date line, due dates.
Incredible how life is weaves so many yarns at the same time.