Happy New Year's Everyone.
I wish that its a wonderful year filled with great happiness, a lot of joy, health and love.

tired, well out of it, and I can' find a glue anywhere. What in the world?
hmm, I feel this awkward sensation and I am not quite sure how to interpret it.
wine sounds good.

who knows???

Deepest secrets reveal themselves at the strangest times, and you never know when to expect to sift to the surface. Life never prepares one for such things. Then you don't know what to do, you freeze there, staring like that. Reactions are never really right, most of us never know how to properly react.
Revelations all strike us at the worst part of our nature.

is missing....

"It's so much simpler and so much easier to show someone how little you care-- if at all, than to show or perhaps prove otherwise. The latter takes effort, time and thought which rarely anyone of us are truly willing to sacrifice. Truthfully, sometimes your actions-- or lack of actions in this case speaks for you, allowing preconceptions which you won't care enough to change." N.F.C.

Mending Job can become the joy you have been seeking in a long time.
Jobs keep people happy.

Yep, I am wasting my time. Wasting my time with you.

There is so much that could be said, but I am going to refrain from doing so.

how magical things could be.

ah, I am a little broken these few days.

It just doesn't matter, does it? Nothing matters...and here I was hoping....forget it.

Dear Nicholas Cage, please stop appearing in movies.

Where am I going?
Flowers, and a nice heart felt, home made card would of been extremely well received today.

Random Ramblings

Major headache, swirling abyss and tugging darkness.
Perfect night I guess.
A glass of wine would of been rather perfect in this situation, only if I could get the cork to let loose and come off though. I have been pretty unsuccessful at that though.

there is a decaying part of me that I cannot stop.

Sometimes it takes more than believing in trust that the other person knows what you are thinking and feeling.
Often it requires reinstatement and confirmation, over and over again. It might be simply constructed sentences but nonetheless it still requires plenty of work.
Actions, thoughtful acts, considerations, and simple phrases that remind us that we are loved, we are appreciated and we are not taken for granted. All people across the globe like to be remembered, to be thought of, and to be delicately treated, to know they are loved and to know that they are the one special person. To share each other's lives. To become apart of someone else's lives, to be publicly open and to ask for special permissions.

angry venting

ahh you drive me crazy with all of your secrets and protection of it and hiding anything and everything from me and like thats not enough you completely rule me out without ever mentioning me, erasing my presence from your life, like I don't exist! Come on we've been together for how long and you still cannot get used to the idea that we are together and somehow you still cannot introduce me to the greater part of your life. WHAT BULL SHIT!
I don't think I can hold on to this any more, I don't think I want to either. This is seeping all of my energy out, and slowly I am dying, dying again! I don't believe it! this is not worth it!

I am pretty darn irritated and annoyed right now.
What in the world? Must it always come down to this? More and more secretive?
This is insane. What the hell are you hiding from me?

Return

I haven't wrote anything on here in a while.
I was home, and then I didn't have internet, next thing my computer was going through old problems, so I just didn't post anything up on here. Probably the biggest factor is that I could not remember my password for my account on here. :( thats a bad habit but everything is neatly saved in my laptop and with one click I never have to remember anything that's written down.
Einstein has said that "if anything is written down it is a waste of memory to memorize it." Albeit not in the exact same word order, in that line.
Going back home was interesting...to say the least. I am not sure what to make all of that. And afterwards, who knows. I am too cold, and too tired to examine anything anymore. There is a swirl of thoughts in my mind, one connecting to another, all going off tangents, in the continuum of life. I am lost in abyss as a summary.
One good thing that did happen was that I wrote a lot of my preconceived ideas, outlined them and have turned them into short stories, poems, essays and such. I have also been able to come up with a whole load of new ones. So that part was good to have to be honest. One good thing to keep you going.

But bad news come as I go anywhere. Knowing he was hurt, that severely stung and made a lump in my throat that I could not swallow.
You can't help yourself. Thats the way things are