The last day of the year, a little melancholy. Is there much left to do to change the upcoming year?

The Vampire Diaries still on?

Command through me, and you shall just be severely punished for your transgressions as I have been.

1.2.3. Before you know it, things have flashed right before your eyes, just like the time you live on borrowed form.

What more is there to assault, that you haven't already?

Somber and amber, willing through the fire, forge under the direst of them all. How shall I crack your skull?

Erase

Computer as a solace is a scary idea, one that is disturbing and reverberates through my soul, into condemnation.

The whirring sound of mistakes in a circular cycle, relentlessly reminding me, I am not sure if it's possible to break out.

Sighs, and breaths, slowly it will rebalance itself says the wise. But when? How? Will there be such a day in my life?

The day of the dead of the winter. Longest night to torment me viciously in so many hours.

The voice on the other end of the line seems disturbed, even more so, considering its my own.

Atonement and repentance are things expected of sinners like us. But who decides we are the sinners. Who decides how we atone and repent? 

Coffee tasted something, once upon a time. What it is now…is beyond any kind of imagination. Definitely surpasses mine.

Words collide, mine, on a daily basis. The parallels cease to exist and an imagination once robust and living, have withered into the snow, melting away underneath the winter sun.

Edging towards insanity with all of these screams in my ears, constantly echoing into the future and past, colliding at my present to leave me immobile and incompetent

Sips of coffee, is the caffeine enough to jolt the chambers of my heart?

Heart…nothing but four chambers

Weeks climb this race, throughout the year, without a rest. Where is my rest? Peace of mind and the stillness I acquire?

Hold on, in a day it will get better. Some miracle, surely will appear out of no where.

I like the stillness of the morning, so early still. Quiet. Redemptive. Almost hope budding. Then slowly the veil of the night is lifted to reveal the beauty of the morning. The flowers open, Sun slowly climbs up the horizon, slowly, but determined. At that point, I like drawing my blanket up, curling on my old mattress and close my eyes to another day.

We'll always come back to the originating source of our pain, for no matter what, this is the limit of our capacity, our inability to move on. Fate laughs at us now, the very same Fate we thought had our back.

Lies, Lies, Lies, all of them chained, to the first unchanged principle/cause, whatever you want to call it. Hatred is supposed to simmer down, slowly dissipate, instead the more it keeps simmering, the volume keeps increasing, reaching violent palpitations and leniencies.

The snow keeps piling up, as if telling me to bury all of my secrets, deep, into the center of the Earth.

The screams of an infant assails my hearing, and though envious, a little bizarre.

At least, at this point in the season, there is an abundance of cheer that seems impossible to withdrawn it all, though it too will come to a depletion. Weather up North is unbearable, freezing, and desolate. Everyone becomes isolated within their homes, glued to their computers and T.V.s and holding their breaths until, Spring once again comes forth. That's about four months from now on, that's eternity. 

Where is the outpouring of all these creative juices that's been building in my pensive and primiparous state? All of these upending, culminating in the apex of my pain, surely out to manifest themselves in one way or another.

All's well, they keep saying. The voices in my head keep getting jumbled up and the sanity seems like a scarce moment between two opposing eternities that seem to take over in a brief glance and lost with it as I board the bus for the torment of daily toils.

The End

Maybe, one day, the time will come where we can plan like regular people, with plans, time table, budget and that it would mostly work out at the end.

Safer

The more I try to catch up, more there seems to be resistance, holding me back in the depths of the abyss, I never truly want to leave anyway. It's safer here. I already know my demons, no need to go in search of more.

Dogum Gunun Kutlu Olsun

S' Dogum gunun kutlu olsun. Nice mutlu yillara, ve sen hep o guzel yurekli, en guzel ruhunla kal.