Nasil sevmissem, her yerde seni anmamak mumkun degil.
Icimde bir bosluk, eksiklik ruhumda, kalbimdeki sanci belli gozlerimden.
Boyle hissetmemekse imkansiz..mantik isi degilki.
Kirginliksa, kizginlikla karisik, huzune ve ihtirasa elini vermis, yuruyor karanligin ortasina.
Aklimdaki her dusunce bir sekilde sana baglanir.
Goz yaslari akar, istek disi
gunesse yakmaz tenimi, isitmaz icimi, gozlerimi acitir.
Ne yapsamki?

Unutulmuyor ne yaparsan yap, ne soylersen soyle.
eger herseyinle sevmissen, benligini vermissen, benimsemissen uzuntu huzun dolar icin gozlerin yas gonlunse kana bulanir. Yerini kizginlik ve kirginlik alir.

this is too much to bear

I have this strange feeling inside today, I woke up with it. I don't know if it's because of the dream I saw, or because of the feeling that I saw the dream as a forewarning. Nonetheless it's there within my blood and under my skin, in my core, relentlessly haunting my heart. Should I give him a call? Maybe a text message? I just hope things turn out alright. It's a little bit heavy to carry this. Heavier than I initially presumed.
I pray things don't take a turn for the worse. I need something good in my life.

ah yada yada...
sometimes I really wish that I had a crystal ball...

So confused

canim yaniyor, sevmenin bedeli bumu?

Free write

does it has to hurt so much every time? does my heart need to skip so many beats all at once, does my soul needs to be shattered over and over, does hot water be boiled on my neck all over again?
Its too cruel. something is picking my heart, soul, mind, and spirit away. I can barely lift a finger.
so many little things matter, i just cant seem to smile. the sun doesnt shine and its cold, i shiever from cold every night. My crying wont cease and the pain only grows larger everyday.

did it have to be this way?

does it have to hurt so much?

you havent even called once...

...canim aciyor, haberin yok. onemsemezsinki bile.

and the pain doesnt get any easier, ever

and so the wound only continues to get deeper, and th hurtful days begin to be unbearable. Welcome to the future.

and why does my heart still skip a beat when I think about you?

i wonder what he is doing right now

a better mistake.

.....

so hurt, so lonely, and in a lot of pain...I just wish you understood and reciprocated my feeling.

wonders if she could get drunk to night on so much...

Every time, I say, I will stop caring, and just move on. But every time the promise I make to myself, I break it with my own actions and feelings.

hates the fact that flights have been getting delayed and delayed all this time. :( Makes me so anxious.Also this female co workers..hm. strange ya know.

Lately I have so much to do, so what's the best thing, not to procrastinate and actually do them on time not to live through severe consequences.

There is so much I want to say, so much I feel, but I just don't know how to come out and say it. I dont know how to deal with all these feelings I am going through.
...kalbim sizliyor.

how can a person continue like this? So much mystery and blanks, lies, misinformation...relentless, restless. The end draws near, doesn't it?

kupu doldu